my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
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