just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
