Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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