My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You were trust falling into bushes
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
