she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
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I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
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Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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