Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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