You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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