The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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