For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
