My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
