I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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