I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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