It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
