I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
