I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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