Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
