apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
