so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
