well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
