Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
