Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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