hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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