We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
