I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
