cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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