Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
