so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
