i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
