im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
