i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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