I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
