you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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