We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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