just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
