Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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