my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
