Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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