that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
