Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
