i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I was not drunk enough for that final.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
