So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
