im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
