no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
