did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
