I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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