I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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