Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
