I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
