Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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