There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
