Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
