Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
