your thong is hanging out like whoa
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
