you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
