Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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