When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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