so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Randomize
