apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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