if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
