I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
