are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
