Swine flu. Run for my life!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
